Close to Burnout

I've been running very low on steam lately. Weekends provide little rest from the constant stream of activity every week. I'm generally traveling to Nashville for band practice, or if I'm not, I'm going here to there to here again while still in Louisville. The funny thing is that it's not all due to course work or my job. A lot of it is social matters, trying to keep up with friends, maintain spiritual health, trying in general to act like a young guy in a hopping city without spending money. I have a knack for taking on way too much responsibility, making way too many valuable friendships, acting much too much like a social butterfly when really and truly the introvert in me wants a solid week of silence in my apartment alone with my books and my music. This "knack" tends to become inflamed whenever I'm in the United States. While living in Austria, I somehow was able to temper it, slow it down, keep it from bloating. A lot of that surely had to do with my difficulty making good friends there, but there were also aspects of the culture that enabled a guy like me to keep going slow.

Aside from Church, little makes sense lately. Orthodoxy has been a bulwark among the storm of life, and while I'm still only a catechumen, I am looking forward to joining (probably in December). Some of my friends are still trying to dissuade me. They suspect that all this trouble in life is what's driving me toward Orthodoxy, and away from my previous Protestant style of faith. Perhaps that assessment is correct, but if so, how does that discredit my conversion? Must a man be completely in control of his circumstances to realize he needs a deep and inner change? Was it not Christ who first came to me 12 years ago and showed me my sin, my wantonness and debauchery -- my ultimate need for redemption? Could it not also be the same Christ now who has shown me my need for his Body, the vessel of the Ancient Faith? The fact that my former style of faith has proven so utterly lacking in my struggle to move away from the brink of destruction surely has had something to do with my move toward the Orthodox Church. God forbid I find out it's all a ruse, a placebo, a mere "crutch" so many haters of Christianity have accused it of being. Indeed, in a way, a crutch is what I need -- a support, a pillar to abide by and to obey, to trust in as God's kingdom here on earth, to believe in as the means of my salvation.

"Prayer is a matter of love. Man expresses love through prayer, and if we pray, it is an indication that we love God. If we do not pray, this indicates that we do not love God, for the measure of our prayer is the measure of our love for God. St. Silouan identifies love for God with prayer, and the Holy Fathers say that forgetfulness of God is the greatest of all passions, for it is the only passion that will not be fought by prayer through the Name of God. If we humble ourselves and invoke God's help, trusting in His love, we are given the strength to conquer any passion; but when we are unmindful of God, the enemy is free to slay us."
-- Archimandrite Zacharias, The Hidden Man of the Heart